I was going through the stress of life and really experiencing college as so many have before me. Three looming exams on Friday, studying, headaches, frustration, tears--all of it engulfed me in one merciless wave. Unfortunately, I'm a perfectionist, and though that quality may help me in some ways, this quarter it's been a nitpicking curse. I'm always kicking myself for not pushing my brain further.
Needless to say, I had a nervous breakdown. Several, actually. And I kept telling myself to hold back and allow life to happen without my additional worries. Anxiety has always plagued me. A few weeks ago, during my last math exam, I realized I didn't have enough time to finish all the problems. As I quickly wrote down whatever answer came to mind in the last few seconds, I began to feel that horrid sting of tears trying to push their way down my face. It was that ominous feeling of gut wrenching, encumbering dread overtaking me. I commanded myself to block out the memory and say it didn't matter--that it wouldn't matter in a life so full of other, more important and interesting things.
Still, I allowed a friend to see me cry. At first, I was so ashamed. For pete's sake, I'm in college. I'm suppose to be grown up. But now when I remember the situation, I think that it's okay. Everyone should let a friend see their tears.
It's funny, because I ended up getting a 100% on that exam. Let's just hope last week's three weathered the storm so gracefully. And if they didn't, oh well. Life's wave will wash that little speck of discouragement onto its shore, where it will get lost among all the other specks of sand-ish disappointments. Err, something.
See, this is me trying to be all sentimental and deep. Why don't I stop now.
I went for a hike yesterday and my brother took a picture of my face.
This is my "I dare you to take a good picture of me" face. It can also be perceived as my "life is good" face. Or my "just take the picture" face. I guess the interpretation is up to you. Just know that if you think you did horribly on a test and you're completely berserk about the outcome, I'm right there with you. That probably doesn't help at all, but hey, maybe you'll end up with a 100%. And if I'm still not helping, buy your math professor donuts. That probably will.
Aw, I'm sorry to hear last week was so stressful--it's wonderful that you ended up with a 100%, though! Ahh, allowing a friend to see you cry...I'll be the first to admit I haven't found the guts to do so :P it is very okay, though, I agree, and you had a very good reason. ;) anyways, your brother took a lovely picture of you! Your hair is such a pretty color ♥ here's to acing the math exam :)
ReplyDelete-m
I feel ya honey! I'm a total perfectionist when it comes to like EVERYTHING!! When all the assessments start coming in I get so stressed :) But there's always a light at the end of the tunnel (that's what i think anyway)! Well done on smashing that exam :D Wow your hair is so cool! It's a fantastic picture of ya ;) I think I'll take your advice about the donuts.. :P
ReplyDelete-Lydia
Oh Sydney, I understand so much about the perfectionism and the anxiety! If you ever need a shoulder to talk to (weird mixture of sayings...) then you know where to find me. Hoorah for you getting a 100% on the math test! I also really like that photo--the sun is doing great things to your hair. Have a good week! <3
ReplyDeleteCongrats on getting 100% on the test!! And the light is seriously beautiful in that picture--seriously.
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Thank you!
Kate xo
www.becomingkate.co.uk